The Top 10 Little Secrets About Being A Mom
10. The kids go from smelly diapers to smelly socks but you will actually miss all of those black-hole socks one day. It may not seem like it right now. Not since you just finished putting away a full metric ton of laundry and get to do it all over again tomorrow. One day, I am told, we will look at the bottom of those laundry baskets and wish just one more time to see that foul-smelling baseball or soccer uniform balled up at the bottom.
9. You will assign them the chore of manicuring the lawn and will come home to a “mow”hawked yard complete with the Broncos (or your team of choice) logo made especially by the push mower. Art is everywhere with kids around.
8. You will get your chance to become a real groupie. True, it may not for your favorite rock band or Adam Levine. Still, there is nothing better than cheering for your kid from the stands or bleachers or auditorium. Just when you think that they are completely indifferent to your presence there in the audience, they will make a goal or nail a piano concerto perfectly for the first time and the FIRST person they scan the audience to find is YOU.
7. You may not be slow dancing with your husband in the living room as often as you were before kids. Not to worry! You will improvise team victory dances as the dual parenting team athletes that will rival those dating days of old. Exhibit A: That one time during the double overtime when your kid scored the game-winning goal with her head? Your guy picked you up and twirled you three and a half times before dipping you backwards and wrapping the whole deal with double high-fives.
6. Bigger breakfasts in bed! Yes, it is true. Most families are either secretly or overtly competitive. This includes cooking breakfast in bed with mom. Each member of your family will have an unspoken duel to see who can serve you the world’s best muffin or most savory omelette on planet Earth.
5. Your sheets will boast the best thread count ever. This is what happens over the years when kids crawl between the sheets and toss and turn with elbows to your ribs three nights per week. The wear and tear on your short term memory is significant. But your sheets will have never, ever felt softer.
4. You will have the opportunity to become a professional art collector- also known as an art hoarder. Nearly every sketch, note and painting will become much too special to toss in the wastebasket. You will probably drive three miles to throw away the ones that you know must go in order to make sure that your child never sees their work in the trash. The ones that you commit to keep will become more valuable to you than your own great-grandmother’s silver candlesticks.
3. You will broaden your music tastes considerably. At first, the radio stations that the kids coerce you into committing to your car’s memory will grate on your last nerve. You will begin to question whether or not certain groups are out to corrupt your children right beneath your very nose (or ears). You may even come home and Google such phrases as Pop Some Tags or Get Jiggy With It to dispel your worries. Then one day suddenly you are singing along. Or playing air guitar in the driver’s seat making sure that no one in the back sees you. It will happen. It doesn’t mean you are a bad parent. Perhaps just that you are finding ways to bond with the rising generations.
2. Parties that don’t cost a thing except for a few cups of milk. You will stage a milk mustache party at the dinner table and, later at bedtime, get nostalgic about the toddler days gone by. It will be a silly contest out of the blue to see who can drink the biggest mustache atop their lip. The coolest part about this is that this is the type of impromptu party that can be had on any given night, free of charge, no overhead, and with no special venue. All you need is a kitchen table, a few cups of milk and some willing players.
1. Finally, the BEST kept little secret about being a mom is that you get to sleep in on Mother’s Day. You will rarely take the opportunity to do so though. Why? Because that HUGE breakfast in bed is on its way!
Happy Mother’s Day you MOMS of the band.
This song is for you!